Ah hello there, can you tell me

anything about this table there?

Certainly sir, yes sir, it is a fine table that one, a very fine table since you ask. And a good price too, if I may say so, sir.

Yes, it looks that way, may I see it in person, if you don't mind? I can take it down if you like, from being perched up there?

It is no trouble, sir, no trouble at all

There, sir, you can see it is most faultless, and almost in original condition, sir, just feel it, round the edges and look, sir, look at the legs and the...

Yes, ok, I see. What kind of provenance does it have, I mean, how old is it, do you know?

Very good provenance, sir, you know your antiques, sir, I may say. It is precisely one hundred and twenty years old, I know that for a fact, sir, I have all the paperwork going all the way back to when it was first made, sir, first made. I also know where it was first sold, sir. Yes, sir, all the paperwork to go with it - shall I fetch it for you sir, from the back?

No, no, that's ok, I shall take your word for it, Samuel - it is Samuel - from the shop sign?

It certainly is , sir, most observant. But not Sam

If you don't mind sir, it's a thing with me - makes me sound like a young man does "Sam" sir!

Righto Samuel! So, just a summary of the provenance - do you know off-hand much of its history?

I do sir, yes, I do, for I was there, sir, when it was first purchased by my beloved Grandfather, Tom, in this same shop, would you believe it, sir? Grand-papa had just bought a house near here sir, Mansion House - do you know it sir, the grand house on top of the hill sir?

Yes, I, really?

Oh yes, sir, a grand house indeed, but it needed furniture, sir! It needed some good, fine items to furnish it, for it was a bit empty, you know, sir, a big house with nothing in it always seems so empty, sir. So Grand-papa would come into town to see what could be done. And lo! Sir! Here is one of the many, many items he purchased, sir, for the mansion, yes, sir, I was there when he spotted it, in a corner sir, in a corner, and I liked it at once, sir, liked it at once, so Grand-papa just paid for it and took it with him that very day sir! That very day, and I just down from Cambridge for my summer holidays, oh those were the good old days to be very sure,sir, they were indeed the good old days!

But, Samuel, hang on ...

I know what you are going to say, sir, yes, I don't live at Mansion House, sir, sorry to say - why would I need to work in a shop, sir if I did! No, sir, some had luck befell the family a while back now. But I'm not impecunious sir, if you were wondering! I have a modest income, sir, and manage to keep my club membership, sir, and go to the Opera, sir, and the ballet when I can. And the theatre, sir, oh the theatre! It's such a wonderful thing, the theatre sir, all actors performing right in front, and all those lines they learn, sir, it is a wonder indeed! Do you get to the theatre much, sir, I mean, with you r wife sir, after surgery sir? Do you get much time?

Yes, indeed we do, and I know what you mean - I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast this morning, let alone a book full or words, but ...

Yes, indeed. Never had the itch to go treading the boards myself, sir, for that same reason! Have you, sir, trod the boards? Nt locally, i imagine, sir, but in the past?

No, no, well, yes I did once sing in a production of Iolanthe in my youth, at, well, Cambridge as a matter of fact.

Ah Gilbert and Sullivan, sir! I know the one you mean. Not entirely to my peculiar tastes, I have to admit, sir, but, yes, sir fine word-play there, sir, indeed!

So hang on a minute, Sam, er Samuel, what did you say about the table just now, you ..

Yes, actually, I should like to see it - I am very interested in the table, so it won't be a waste of time for you.

Just a minute, then, sir.

Here we are sir, I shall put them here for you to peruse, shall I make us a cup of tea, sir? Would you like one while you read?

Oh! Yes, that would be nice, thank you Samuel - milk, no sugar if that's ok?

It's a pleasure indeed, sir, a pleasure, I shall leave you to have a good look.

Thank you very much, Samuel, oh! And Garibaldi biscuits! I didn't know you could still get those, they were my favourite in my youth.

Ah, yes, the good old days, as I say, sir, sometimes it is good to be reminded...

Call me David if you will, and, yes, not Dave if you would, we think alike then.

David it is, sir, yes, David. Do you like what you see here in these papers? The provenance, the history, the detail we like to provide to our most discerning customers, sir, David?

Yes, yes, I do, very thorough, I must say. Now, Samuel, there's just one thing I'd like to know, it's ...

Yes, sir? David?

You mentioned Cambridge just now...

Indeed, sir, it seems like we both went up to that most famous of universities, sir. What did you study there, if I may ask - medicine, was it, sir?

Yes, Samuel, it was medicine - how could you know? And now, sorry Samuel, I'll have to stop you there before you say any more - what was it you said about your grand-father? And you being with him when the table was new? Seems a bit, well...

Ah, sir, David, sir, yes.

And?

Well, sir, yes sir, I was there when the table was purchased for the very first time, it was a glorious day, David, the sun was ...

That would make you about a hundred and forty years old, at least.

Indeed sir, yes.

And you know a little about me too. As you know then, I'm the GP here in Downbridge, and, from the look of this antiques shop, and the look of you, you've been here a long time. Yet I've never seen you at my surgery, have I?

No sir, I've never had call for a quack, sir, a sawbones, if you will. Sorry, sir, my little joke.

That's ok. So? How old are you? You look about sixty to sixty-five?

A hundred and forty one this year sir, in October, the twenty fifth, sir.

That's impossible!

No, sir, here I am, and I can prove it, sir, these papers you see here are some proof at at the very least sir, all my own photographs in the early days, sir, David, sir.

O-kay ... So, hang on. The oldest person in the world was 122, according to the GRG, that's...

I have friends at the GRG, sir, and at the Guinness Book sir, on a retainer sir.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, sir. David, sir. Well Doctor, it's like this...